Whoever the Bitch is, nothing will hurt them more than to see that you really don't give a shit about them, that you have moved on and found success in your job, relationship, school, or new friendships. See what we've done here? For severe infestations, you can try using foggers or sprays that kill eggs, or treat your home with an insect growth regulator that prevents the larvae from developing. The holy grail of the TP job is getting the roll all the way over the house. While she inappropriately coaches her un-athletic progeny from the stands, all heads tilt slowly towards the sky, like the “Surrender Dorothy” scene in The Wizard of Oz, as they follow a bi-plane trailing spirals of white vapor in its wake. What is exact weight of male Bengal tiger? If possible, don't reveal your malevolent intentions to anyone. You can't put the genie back in the bottle; once a person's reputation is destroyed, no amount of creative spin can erase the public's memoryâjust ask O.J. Unlike vapor, a banner will not disintegrate into thin air after fifteen minutes. Fill a bucket with warm water. It's best just to play nice, as a general rule, but when someone fucks you over, there's nothing more pathetic than being a sap who sits at home and cries about it. I like world traveling, downhill skiing, snowshoeing, backpacking, camping, running, hiking, and... See full profile ». Or subscribe without commenting. On to the fun part. Warning:Â Hiring a skywriter could eat up a few of your unemployment checks. you wear a mask an run away as fast as you can. They ran, he chased them. Fortunately, DIY services like Book Baby allow you to attractively package and publish your tell-all and disseminate it throughout the Bitch's social diaspora in both print and e-book formats. If you brought the entire stalk of milkweed, carefully snip off the leaf with the egg, then place the leaf egg … What is the WPS button on a wireless router? Then, fill the holes with termiticide. Apply for a cash loan using the Bitch's personal info so they go into debt and get their credit score dinged. The employee caught raw, graphic footage of employees intentionally abusing chickens. I've lived everywhere. These are some of the thoughts your Bitch will torture himself with as his guardian devil turns up the heat another 500 degrees, and the skin on his backside sputters and pops like a panful of pork cracklings. From there on we could calculate the probable distance of the … Look up a phone number to find out whoÂ it belongs to, Find them withÂ a confidential people search, Post an adult dating/hookup ad under “men seeking men” (for a straight guy)âor something equally embarrassing for any other gender/orientationâso the Bitch will receive a steady flow of colorful calls/texts/messages from friendly locals looking to have a good time. Sometimes when I move the space heater from the living room to the bedroom, knowing I’ll have to move it back to the living room in the morning, I think, “WILL I JUST HAVE TO KEEP MOVING THIS BACK AND FORTH UNTIL I DIE?”, Writing Satire for the Internet A message declaring that â[Your Bitchâs Name] is a Boss from Hellâ appears above the gasping crowd, written in 2,400 foot tall letters visible for 40 miles around. So how much trouble do you want to get into by egging someone's house? The material on this site can not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with prior written permission of Multiply. Keep an eye out for smoke detectors, since it's easy to set one off if you're not careful. Eggs thrown at vinyl or aluminum siding can leave a dent in the surface of the material, which may be impossible to remove. Points in Case is a daily literary humor publication featuring enlightening and irreverent comedy from seasoned writers and fresh voices. The best response: “I have no idea what you're talking about.” End of conversation. If they have ever been booked by that county, you can see all the details, from the time of arrest to all prior offenses. Now, let's say you've either completed the steps above and realized it's just not enough to satisfy your vengeance, or you know you're the type of person who won't take satisfaction in anything less than publicly humiliating someone to get back at them. Add the lightly scrambled eggs to the tray. An aerial banner is a much cheaper way to go, as it only requires one plane and allows you to display a more complex message. Encourage curious neighborhood children to toast s'mores over the blaze, and bring along a Confederate flag to throw in if you want to attract the local TV news crews, and maybe even earn a spot on CNN. You may be tempted to give a quick-witted rebuttal, something to the effect of, “You had it coming,” but refrain. If you're really paranoid or are doing something that could be found to be a breach of privacy (like posting naked pictures without consent to post them) use a VPN for anonymous browsing (or at least a public access computer) so the IP address can't be traced back to you. What was lasik visons competitive priority? This may be the ideal venue to expose the Bitch's Ponzi scheme or insider trading, but not as appropriate for broadcasting how he heartlessly broke up with you by text message. Work your way up from being acquaintances to best friends, fuck buddies, or lovers. Which would be infinitely more annoying than having your house egged. What date do new members of congress take office? Once you get the milkweed inside, sprinkle a few drops of water onto a paper towel, then place it in the bottom of a small container, like a glass jar or a food storage container. Unfortunately, that isn't always possible – it is estimated that as many as 1 in 4 of all American high school students were involved in a physical fight in the past year. Having spent many a long evening nodding sympathetically while you used your Cosmopolitan-inspired psychiatric expertise to drunkenly diagnose your ex-boyfriend with borderline personality disorder, your loyal BFFs will find it a refreshing change of pace to stand outside the Bitch's place of employment with you, wagging their fingers menacingly and chanting, “Shame! However, unless you, your Bitch, or both are celebrities, attracting the attention of a major, or even minor publishing house, is unlikely. My friend, you 'll need to drill holes about every 10 inches into the fight in the first.... If you have to egg some kind of property, avoid cars at all costs,. 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